BREAKDOWN

On July 10, 2021, I was on a 3 ½ hour zoom phone call with Agape Freedom Fighters ministering to a group of people in another country. This was a training call and it required at least 12 AFF team members to help in 6 breakout rooms for ministry training after the teaching by Rev. Joanne Moody. There were some unexpected technical difficulties with setting up the breakout rooms, so it was decided to have Jo, along with a couple of AFF team minister to one person for training purposes since everyone ended up in the same room. We all got blessed.

I felt the need to block my live video so that my picture was on the screen. My audio was already muted. I just prayed in the spirit for the ministry time and could sense God was doing something in me through this time as I listened. The call and ministry were anointed, as was Jo’s teaching. With the conclusion, we went back to the Main zoom meeting room.

As Joanne was bringing the training to a close, she mentioned someone from the AFF team closing with a “Cleansing Prayer” which we usually do after “inner healing” or prayer ministry. One of our Team sent a text document with the prayer and I volunteered to read it. I printed a copy and began to quickly put marks for breaks to allow for translation when Jo sends me a text saying, “Let’s make the cleansing prayer pretty short. Just a summary is great so we can let them go and do a quick debrief. Thanks Beth.”

This was the first time I had seen the prayer and was reviewing it so the thought came – “you don’t even know what it says so you don’t know how to shorten it. [It is not one I use]”  The print on the paper blurred like oil was in my eyes and I couldn’t read the page. I immediately sent a text to a fellow team member and said, please read this. I’m having problems. It was “fear” that hit me and I tried to loose it off myself and go on.

After the call, I shared with Jo and our team during our debriefing time what happened. She said, “Are you ok?” and I said, “No, but I will be. I just need to process why I got hit.” Joanne sent me a sweet message saying if she offended or triggered me in some way, she was sorry and was just trying to end the meeting as it had already gone way over time. I thanked her and said, “If I was triggered, it was on me not anyone else.” God is always about the heart. When this happens to me where I react to something in a negative way, my response is, “God get this so it doesn’t happen again.” She had done nothing wrong. She said, “Wild about your loss of sight with fear, but I know the Lord will heal it. Praying!”

I packed my car to leave for my daughter’s house in Vallejo. I was a little later than planned. She called and said there was about a 20 minute traffic slowdown, but I had allowed for a couple of hours. I got gas, started out on the highway and thanking and praising the Lord. The traffic was flowing pretty freely with only an occasional need to stop or slow down at certain points.

About 60 mins into the trip, I received a cell phone call from a friend who generally never calls me. She asked me what I was doing and how things were going. I shared about my wonderful church, Agape and what God had been doing in my life. We talked for about 10 minutes when my car suddenly lost all power [no accelerator, dashboard, steering, hazard lights indicating a way to let anyone know what was happening].

I’m on a highway with medium heavy traffic with cars driving anywhere between 65 to 75 miles per hour. I was in the second to the left lane and had to make a decision to get off the road fast. Stopping in that lane was not an option. The best choice was to cross the fast left lane to get off the road. I couldn’t go to my right because there were too many lanes to cross and knew I would never make it. I had to go to the left which was a car’s width of unpaved road. I had to trust the drivers coming up on me would recognize I was having a problem and change lanes. I turned the steering wheel the best I could to drift slowly off the highway coming to a complete stop just making it over the solid yellow line. It had reached 111 degrees and I was in full sun with no AC, no emergency flashers, nothing! I had no lights on the dash. I did eventually get lights after I tried to turn the car on again.

Once off the highway, my friend called my daughter, who immediately headed out to reach me and I called my roadside service. The recorded message asked if this was an emergency and If it was to hang up and dial 911. It would be a 3 minutes wait to speak with someone. My “practical mind” said, “I’m not bleeding, I’m off the highway, I’ll be ok.”

I hung up pondering my decision and then dialed once more. Hearing the recorded message again, my “reality mind” said (as cars were whizzing past me at over 70+ miles per hour shaking my big SUV), “NO, I am not safe.” Immediately I hung up and dialed 911. The operator came on and I explained where I was. I had my MAPS app pulled up on my phone and managed to locate approximately where I was for reference. She said, “Are you in a safe place?” and I said, “NO!” She immediately dispatched the CHP and said, “I will call your roadside service.” I then called my daughter responding to a text message to touch base with where she was and updated her.

I waited in the car feeling safer in my large, heavy SUV than standing on the side of the road in the heat. Several minutes went by and I heard a siren and then spotted flashing lights as the CHP vehicle drove back and forth across all the lanes of traffic effectively shutting down an entire freeway. People going about their lives travelling to their desired destinations. Everyone with someplace to go and something to do. Suddenly, everything came to a standstill in all of our lives. A very humbling experience.

When the CHP vehicle pulled up behind me, I will never forget the visual picture seeing every lane shut down and no one moving. It was surreal. How many times have I been stopped or inconvenienced in traffic backed up by an accident or stalled vehicle or “looky-loos” (one who looks or stares, a gawker, a nosy or overly inquisitive person) who slow down traffic because they are checking out why there is a highway backup on the other side.

CHP Officer Dudley came up to my side to check on me and evaluate my situation. How was I doing? Did I have water (that’s when I learned it was 111 degrees)? And then we tried a couple of different things to see if the car would respond. He said, “Put the gearshift in Neutral and I’m going to use my vehicle to push you to the other side of the freeway.” He then began to slowly push me across 4 to 5 (can’t remember specific number) now completely open lanes to get me to the off-road emergency side. I prayed that I would have enough momentum to let me coast into the shade. Drivers were once again on their way, free of this inconvenience in their day. I was out of the direct sun and relieved to be out of “imminent danger.”

I laughed about my situation with the Officer and was filled with so much gratitude. The negative, fleeting thoughts of:  “I live on a fixed income; the car is paid for and is my only mode of transportation; I can never afford to buy another car; would I have enough money to get it fixed?” seemed inconsequential as I was grateful to be alive. God is my source and always faithful. The flatbed tow truck arrived, the Officer escorted me to his air conditioned vehicle to wait for the arrival of my daughter and soon she was there too. It involved approximately 70 minutes from beginning to end.

Arriving safely to my daughter’s home, the enormity of the experience was only beginning to hit me. She loaned me her car for the AFF ministry event I was scheduled to be part of the next day and I was back on the road again. We had an anointed meeting experiencing the presence of God’s glory. I felt refreshed even while ministering. It was good to be in the house and presence of the Lord.

After I arrived back to my home, I called to talk with one of my Agape sisters. We talked about my reaction on the zoom call. As I was sharing about the highway incident, the word “important” came out. On the zoom call, I experience a momentary feeling of inadequacy and failure. It was brief, and I have had much healing in that area. If I had allowed it to consume me and fester in my mind, my outcome on that freeway could have ended totally different. The car failure had nothing to do with me or anything that I could have prevented or caused by negligence. If my attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving [that I have continued to stay in no matter what is happening in my life] had turned into complaining and a “woe is me” distraction, my state of mind could have affected the way I processed my decisions.

As we talked, the words “not feeling important” came up. Reflecting on what had happened on the highway, the revelation (not feeling important) led to an epiphany [www.merriam-webster.com says, Epiphany and revelation have many similarities in meaning; one sense of epiphany is “a revealing scene or moment,” and one sense of revelation is “something that is revealed.” However epiphany may also mean “an appearance or manifestation especially of a divine being,” a sense not shared by revelation].

Epiphany – “I’m important enough to God to shut down an entire highway!”

People could say, “we love you,” “you are important in our lives,” but I could never totally receive the words. I was uncertain of my value. Trying to write it out cannot begin to convey the depth of awareness that has happened inside of me. It is so unfathomable I can hardly wrap my head around it. The emotion and immensity of God’s love and view of me takes my breath away and leaves me with awe and wonder. I am grateful beyond words for those who pray for me and for the heavenly host who accompanied me on my travels that day.

You, too, are important to God. I pray that you will come to intimately know the love God has for you and the destiny that He has planned for you.

My car? In Vallejo. That’s another BLOG. To be continued.